These few days have been a very trying period for me. I have yet to get over my car crash and failure, and now I suddenly find myself having to face the death of my beloved hamsters. It's one tragedy after another. Life has been going downhill for me. I'm trying hard to look at the brighter side of the situation, but even the brighter side seems dark now. Or, should I say, there is no brighter side.
Just yesterday, Hammie and Jean were looking alright. Jean escaped from the tank while we were sleeping, but we found her shortly after a frantic search around the house. She showed no signs of injury, though she left us wondering why she tried to escape, when she never dared jump from anything higher than her castle, not to mention the coffee table. We put her back into her tank and left Hammie and Jean alone for the rest of the night.
This morning, we found Hammie dead. He probably died in his sleep because he looked so peaceful. But it was so sudden. He was his usual self last night. We simply cannot understand why and how it happened. There are so many questions unanswered.
We then found Jean looking very weak and ill. She looked like she was about to die. Kh carried her up and fed her some water, and she looked better after that. But some hours later, she began to bleed at the vagina. She couldn't eat or drink. She just laid on her side, looking more frail than ever. I began to realise that her condition was probably more serious than we thought. I searched websites, desperately trying to look for an answer to this, but I couldn't find any. The only useful information I found was that we can use iodine to stop her bleeding. But by then, her bleeding got worse. There were blood spots all over the tank, and even on her mouth! I don't know what she was trying to do. She seemed to be biting her own wound! It wasn't that bad until she did something to it!
We quickly took out a bottle of iodine and applied a little of it on her wound, but it didn't help. She looked so helpless, and all we could do was to sit there and watch her suffer. It pains me so much to see her like that. I felt that I could no longer sit and watch. I had to do something! Kh and I rushed her to the vet, only to find it closed. Desperate for help, we brought her to the nearest pet shop to see if they've anything for her. Sadly, everyone in the pet shop didn't think she has a chance to live. They told us that there isn't any hope for her and that she would die within half a day, and it turned out to be true.
I burst out crying. All the pet clinics and hospitals were closed. There was really NOTHING I could do. The pet shop owners did not think that I should bring Jean to the hospital anyway. She costs only $21. A visit to the vet would cost at least twice of that. It isn't worth it, so we should just let her die. I know it sounds logical because she's just an animal. It's easy to say that when you don't feel anything for it. But would you do such a thing when you feel so emotionally attached to it? If it costs a hundred bucks for me to see her alive and healthy again, I think it's worth it. I really don't want to lose her. There can be only 1 Jean Grey and no one can ever replace her.
Jean was vomiting and shivering. Despite all these, I harboured a little hope that a miracle would happen. No one knows the cause of her illness. One possible reason provided by the pet shop owners is that Jean and Hammie fought, resulting in death for both parties. I really doubt that because Hammie and Jean never fought. They were always mating and kissing. They love each other so much! However, the pet shop owners suggested that Jean was probably pregnant and wanted to escape from Hammie, and that probably lead to the fighting.
Other reasons I found on websites are that her illness could be due to intestinal disease (which is common for hamsters), dehydration (unlikely), diarrhoea (impossible), and pregnancy. I think Jean had a miscarriage! I'm not sure of the reason for that, and for Hammie's death, but it could be due to poisoning. Hammie and Jean were perfectly alright before we bought them the puzzle toy. Now, a couple of days after we bought it, they die! I seriously wonder if there are toxic chemicals in that toy. It was made for hamsters but that doesn't rule out the possibility.
Jean passed away later during the night. We buried her next to Hammie under a tree. It was so painful to see them leave me like this. Suddenly, there's this void in my heart. The sinking feeling in my stomach feels stronger than ever. I feel like I've just lived a nightmare. The car crash feels like a thousand knives pierced through my heart. But Hammie and Jean's deaths feels like a million knives pierced through my heart. I feel so much pain within me, that my heart feels like its bleeding inside.
I can't sleep well at night ever since the car crash. I don't know how I'm ever going to sleep peacefully again. What can I do to stop myself from crying? What can I do to get rid of this pain? All I know is that I should put what little faith I have in the Lord to take me out of these tribulating times.
Oh Lord, please end this quickly. It's hurting too much for me to bear.
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