Downtime

For some reason, I'm feeling very down right now. I'm not sure what it is, but it's as though I'm trying to find meaning in life. I know, as a christian, I shouldn't be saying such things, because I DO know what I'm here for. Yet, I wish I could be that close to God to really feel it for myself, and not just KNOW it.

I've recently finished watching 'One Litre of Tears'. So many people have watched it and say they feel encouraged and stronger than before. Yet, somehow it's making me feel so pessimistic. It's like the whole world is struggling so hard, striving to do their best everyday, in things they find meaning in. Not just for my friends, my family, but also for a poor little girl suffering from a cruel disease.

As for me, 21 years of unaccomplished life. Running everyday without a sense of direction. I'm not good at anything, and I haven't found anything I'm good at. While my coursemates have all started studying for our exams (in 3 more weeks), and poor Kh is struggling so hard at NUS just to pass his engineering course, and everyone else working so hard for themselves and/or for others, here I am, slacking and working, doing nothing meaningful, and leaving my books to collect dust?

Where can I ever find the motivation to study? I'm feeling so stress right now, over school, over work, over relationships, but it seems like I can't/am not do anything about it.

Kh recently said something that alarmed me. He said the 4th week before exam is the best time to read notes, and the 2nd week before the exam, the best time to start studying. Hello? 2nd week before the exam is the EARLIEST time I ever start READING. Don't even talk about studying man. Gosh, I feel like a total loser sometimes. At any rate, I can't go on like this. I really need to find something to strive for, to find meaning in. As I've learnt from 'One Litre of Tears', life is so fragile. You'll never know when you're going to die. ALWAYS LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!