The reason is, I really HATE LOSING. I don't care about not winning. I just hate losing. The thought of losing even $1 sickens me to the very core.
Last year, during CNY dinner, everyone in the office was asked to chip in $5 for the 2-million Toto cash prize. I was the only one who wanted to sit out but eventually gave in just to shut everyone up. To me, that's $5 I'm never gonna see again. My heart ached for it. Who cares about that 2 million? (Well, no surprises that we didn't win.)
On our first cruise together, Kh bought a $25 ticket for the Bingo event which I strongly disapproved. My stomach dropped with each single ball that was release, even though it wasn't even my 25 bucks. I realised that I actually found more joy playing fake Bingo games then real ones. Why then should money should be wasted like this?
Sometimes I wonder why adults can take money so lightly. Like, losing money is alright, as long as you're safe and healthy. Growing up, I'm learning to come to terms with it. Not just with money, but with every little setbacks in life.
The 20s have been a whirlwind of trying events. I can't help but become more cynical, occasionally questioning why life is so hard. Despite my non-activity in the gambling scene, I still find myself losing money to unforeseen circumstances. As is the case for my actions and decisions. It's hard having to deal with these constant bouts of self-reproach although I know that sometimes there was nothing I could have done differently.
The bottom line is, shit happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. I am learning and trying to keep faith, and trust that God will do what is best for me.
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."
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